


That's not how you Human, Cas!

by FandomHarmony



Series: Angel in Witches' Robes [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: A little angst, Angels (Supernatural) are Weird, Birthday, Castiel (Supernatural) Deserves to be Loved, Castiel (Supernatural) Learns to be Human, Castiel (Supernatural) is So Done, Developing Friendships, During Canon, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Inter-House Friendships, I mean, One Shot Collection, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Canon, Some Humor, Some Plot, you know my style by now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-09-30 10:36:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20445743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomHarmony/pseuds/FandomHarmony
Summary: One-shots of Castiel interacting with others. What's going on in the background of the main story? Details I didn't go into, the friendships, the weird stuff that Castiel has done. Plenty of references. Plenty of jokes. Will jump around in the timeline. Enjoy :)





	1. Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Instead of furthering the plot of my main story, my brain keeps jumping to these things. Hopefully, if I get it out of my head, I can move on.

**September 26th, 1994**

Castiel and Laura were working on their Charms homework in the Hufflepuff dorms when Kevin came running in, excited. “You’ll never guess what today is!” he said when he finally reached them.

That seemed like a rather ridiculous statement. “It’s Monday,” Castiel stated.

“Well, yeah,” Kevin shrugged, “but other than that!”

It was at this moment, Owen rushed in, out of breath and with an uncharacteristic pink tinge to his face. He put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder to steady himself, but also to make him face him again. “Don’t… tell them… please.”

Kevin put on a sly smirk and turned to Laura. “It’s Owen’s birthday today,” he stated proudly.

Owen groaned loudly and slouched into the nearest armchair. Laura smiled, however, and said, “Happy birthday, Owen!”

This entire exchange had confused Castiel. The whole situation seemed rather… random. What was the point of this? Was this one of those things that humans did for no reason? Perhaps.

So she did what she always did in situations she did not understand: Castiel went back to her work.

It was simple homework, really. A short paragraph about the theory behind the levitation charm. Slightly repetitive, but it would be good for the young humans so they would not forget. Castiel dipped her quill in the inkwell.

It wouldn’t exactly hurt for her to practice magic theory. Quite the opposite, in fact. With the theory in place, she could easily learn more advanced magic at a much faster pace than regular magicals, which would be quite useful with her grace no longer an option.

“Aren’t you going to say anything, Cas?” Kevin said.

Castiel looked up again, her head tilted. She had somewhat forgotten what they were talking about. Something about Owen’s birthday? “Why would I need to say anything?”

Laura frowned and Kevin raised an eyebrow. Oh no. Castiel had done something outside of the regular social dichotomy. What was it this time.

“It’s Owen’s birthday,” Laura said, nodding slowly.

“Yes,” Castiel repeated. “You’ve said that. What about it?”

Kevin dramatically put his hand over face. “You’re supposed to tell him ‘happy birthday’,” he exaggerated, pointing to Owen, who was still sinking in his chair.

“I don’t see why,” she said. “It’s almost the end of the day, and me wishing him to have a ‘happy birthday’ would have no impact on whether he actually does. In fact, it seems to be having an adverse effect, if Owen’s facial queues are any indication.”

He stared at her. Laura shook her head. “You sound like you swallowed a dictionary.”

Was that a reference? Or an idiom? Castiel still wasn’t good at those. “I don’t understand,” she admitted.

“Ugh,” Kevin said. “Owen, can you explain it to her?”

Owen looked up at him with a degree of incredulity. “I didn’t want to make a big deal of my birthday, yet you immediately went and told our friends. Castiel, who is the only one who is actually doing what I want, is not caring what day it is. And you want me to explain  _ why she shouldn’t be doing that? _ ”

Yes, Owen is making sense here. Laura is also looking slightly guilty.

Kevin shrugged a bit uncomfortably. “Well, she doesn’t understand and you’re the best at explaining things in ways that make sense to her.”

Staring deadpan into the air, Owen sighed loudly. “Cas,” he said, still looking at the air, “when it is someone’s birthday, it is customary to wish them well and, if you are close, to give them a present. It’s supposed to show your appreciation of someone. However, you can also show your appreciation for someone by respecting their choices to not want the fact that it is their  _ birthday _ to be spread around.”

“Why don’t you like your birthday, Owen?” Laura asked, cautiously.

“It’s a bunch of people I barely know saying robotic words that they don’t mean, and when I was younger, kids would show up to my birthday party, give me a worthless gift that I didn’t like, eat all the cake and candy, and never talk to me at any other point in the year,” he complained. “It’s stupid and nowadays it’s all because society said so! People should only say happy birthday if they really mean it, and not just because!”

“... that was a more impassioned response than I was expecting,” Laura said, “but I can get behind that.”

“Yeah,” Kevin drawed out. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, Kev, you didn’t know.”

Hm. Castiel did care about Owen. She did want him to have a good day, but… “I don’t want you to have a happy birthday,” she stated, earning some confused looks. “I want the majority of your days to be happy.”

“Why not all of them?” Kevin asked.

“That’s unrealistic,” Castiel said. Wasn’t that obvious? It’s impossible for one to be happy every single day. Most days are spent feeling neutral, with both good and bad bits mixed in, for normal humans at least. They then tend to judge the day by which happened more frequently that day.

Owen nodded. “Thanks, Cas.” He relaxed into the chair.

“How does your family celebrate birthdays?” Kevin asked Cas.

“We don’t.”

“Wait, what?” Laura said, taken aback.

In fact, they all seemed to be at least a tiny bit startled at that revelation. “Your family doesn’t do  _ anything _ ?”

“No. Why should they? It is a day like any other. Calling attention to something as trivial as an anniversary of one’s birth serves no purpose than to distract us from our work.” Not to mention, there were so many angels. There would have been thousands of birthdays a day, year round. No work could possibly get done. How could they have time for that?

...And affection between angels was always strained the past few millennia. They were hardly the family they used to be. Even then, there was no calendar in heaven. Anniversaries were for humans, not them.

“Cas?” Laura asked. “You alright? You went quiet for a second there.”

So she had. “I was just thinking.”

“Oh.” Things were silent for a moment. “All right, then  _ we’ll _ celebrate your birthday.”

They wanted to celebrate her birthday? Why? Surely, it wasn’t that important. Dean and Sam don’t celebrate theirs. Come to think of it, she didn’t know any human who does. She knew them, of course. They were simply never acknowledged.

“That’s not necessary,” Castiel said. 

“Come on,” Kevin said. “We want to. When is it?”

Cas frowned. When was her birthday? Human calendars certainly didn’t go back far enough, but she couldn’t tell them that. Well, she knew one thing about her birth in relation to humans. “Thursday.”

“Your birthday is this Thursday?” Laura asked. “That’s close to Owen’s.”

“No," Castiel said. "Just Thursday.”

“You don’t even know?!”


	2. Sneezes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While researching the second task, Castiel found a book that no one had read for a very long time. And Dean realized something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is absolutely no reason this should exist except that it's cute. I should be working on the main fic. Or my other stories.  
But eh, inspiration strikes :)

**February 11th, 1995**

_"The History and Magic of the Black Lake."_ It was a very large, very dusty book, with an uninteresting title only vaguely related to the upcoming task.

But at this point, Castiel was ready to read almost any book that could be helpful. So she took the book off the shelf.

Some dust floated off, making her scrunch her nose, but she persevered. Cas went back to the table that she, Dean and Sam had taken over for research purposes.

Sam and Castiel had already completed all incoming homework assignments, but Dean, of course, had put those off in favor of helping her. Laura, Owen and Kevin were looking for more books that might contain anything useful. Surprisingly, Dean was the only one at the table right now. Sam had probably went to the bathroom, so Castiel didn't pay much mind to it.

Dean looked up as Castiel dropped the large book onto the table, more dust dancing off of it. "Did you find something?" he asked her.

"Unlikely," she replied. "But this book is about the Black Lake, so it might have hints as to what I might encounter down there. If we are lucky, it could potentially have a spell in- akchu!"

She felt her lungs contract suddenly and her shoulders hunched up. Castiel blinked her eyes open, having closed them on instinct. She glanced over at Dean, ready to continue their conversation, but found him frozen, staring at her. "Dean?"

"What," he began, voice odd and kind of shaky, "was that?"

Castiel tilted her head. Shouldn't he know this? "I believe you humans call it a snee- akhu!" This time she sensed it coming, and was quick enough to use the back of her hand to partially cover her mouth and nose. "Hm, a sneeze."

Dean looked at her incredulously, then burst out laughing. Castiel didn't react at first. Suddenly, she was feeling very defensive. Why would he laugh? Doesn't everyone sneeze? Well, every human... but still. He shouldn't be laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" she voiced, trying not to sound like she cared. She didn't care. She was just curious as to his reaction.

"Tha-" He put a hand over his stomach. "I've never heard you sneeze before!"

Was that it? "Well, I've been told that most people sneeze as it is a natural bodily function to clear out th-hkchu!" This sneeze was fully covered by her elbow, but it started Dean laughing again. "What is it about my sneezing that you find so amusing?"

"It's cute," he gasped out. "Like watching a kitten!"

What did that even mean? How was she supposed to take that? "It is not cute," Cas protested. "It's a natural bodily function."

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "but you're-it's adorable!"

She felt her face heating up for an inexplicable reason. "No, it is not, Dean. This is a momentary annoyance that- that-" she could feel another sneeze building up. "Ahcku."

_Great,_ she thought sarcastically, while waiting for Dean's laughter to peak again.

Dean didn't quite do that. There were a few fading chuckles but he was trying to sober up. "Okay, that's a lot of sneezing. You sure you ain't coming down with something?"

A little tension eased out of her shoulders. "I'm fine, Dean. There's just a lot of dust."

That apparently meant that he didn't have to feel guilty about snickering. Which he did, even as he stood. "Are there any tissues in the library?" he asked her.

"Yes, Madam Pince should have some at the desk near the front," Castiel sniffed.

Castiel opened the book as Dean left, looking over the table of contents, trying not to breathe in any more dust. It really didn't seem likely this book would have any good answers. More likely some boring trivia that she would likely have no use for once she left Hogwarts in June. She might not even use it for any work _in_ school. But there was a always a chance. She was feeling very bored, though. She had experienced boredom before, but it really didn't feel the same as a human. It felt much more _real_.

Humans didn't like boredom because they didn't have time for it. Their lives are so pitiably short that any moment spent being bored felt like wasting away. Sometimes doing nothing was preferable to doing something boring, even if that was absurd logic and shouldn't make sense. How could doing nothing _not_ be boring? But it also _is_ boring. How can it be both? It doesn't make sense.

"Here you go," Dean said, dropping a small box of tissues in front of Castiel. "Pince just transfixed or whatever an entire box of them." He sat back down across from her and slid the next book on his stack in front of him.

"Transfigured, Dean." Castiel took a tissue and quickly blew her nose. "Thank you."

"Eh, don't mention."

They both went back to reading in a companionable silence.

"Akhu!" _Not again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always cover your sneezes in your elbow. It's more hygienic than using your hands. Stay healthy everyone!  
And please give comments on stuff you would like to see!!!


End file.
